I Feel Things...

There are days when I don't feel great, for whatever reason...but I make a conscientious choice not to acknowledge it. I choose to say "I am fine", even when I feel less than fine... Even when I feel like I will break if I have to spend one more sleepless night wondering where this will all eventually take me. I say I am fine when I feel like an elephant is sitting on my head. I say I am fine, even when I have to struggle to make my left leg keep up with my right. I say I am fine, even as my face is tingling with numbness. I say I am fine, even when I get that weird choking sort of feeling in my throat. I say I am fine because I don't want to be THAT person who wallows. I don't want to be the person who no one wants to talk to because they will once again have to hear how lousy they feel.

There are things. Things I feel, but never say.

I work very hard to stay in an emotionally happy place. I can't change this. It just is. I wish it weren't, but it is. I wish I could get excited about seeing my family who lives 600 miles away without wondering if they will be scrutinizing me, looking for tell-tell signs. I wish I could go to a family reunion without people saying "You look good" which really means "you look good for someone who was diagnosed with a lifelong disease". I wish I could spend an entire day playing with my art on the computer, bringing a faerie or an angel to life without physically paying dearly for sitting there. There are a million other things I wish, that I won't say out loud.

I have MS. I have no choice about it and the only choice I have in regards to its progression, is to put my faith in the drug company. I don't have the option of simply making lifestyle choices that could possibly have a huge impact on my disease. I can only hope and pray that it doesn't have its brutal way with me. I have no real control over it. I just have to hope the Avonex keeps it at bay.

I feel things...Things I NEVER say out loud.


(Even though diet isn't a major factor for MS, a good diet and exercise certainly won't hurt!)

"Twinkle-Twinkle FLASH"

(Once again, Blogger will not let me format this post so forgive the weird spacing and squished together paragraphs)

So the Happy Tree is back up again, making me smile through another holiday season. Last year, my Happy Tree was responsible for helping me make it through the horrible days after my first IV Steroid treatment. (See posts from November/December 2006)

[I want to add a note here...I have noticed that some people stumble upon my blog while searching for info on IV Steroids for MS. Please know that my experience with steroids is not the norm. I tend to be "opposite girl" and have different reactions to drugs than most people have. Steroids usually make people bounce off the walls...They make me sleep. Don't let my experience with IV Steroids make you afraid. Everyone is different and they may just give you back your super powers!]

What a difference a year makes. It took me days last year just to assemble the tree. I would hang a branch and lie down, then hang another branch. This year, I assembled it in one short afternoon and had it completely decorated by the next, in spite of the lighting fiasco. I am actually feeling better right now than I have felt since last November. I still have issues...balance, weird mush head and some weird unusual pains, but overall, life is good.

Yesterday, I decided that since it was forty degrees, I should try to get the front porch decorated with lights and garland. Little did I know that it may have been forty degrees out but the wind was flying at 40 miles per hour! This time, I remembered to first plug in the lights to check them. What I didn't do, was leave them on long enough to see if they were steady on or flashing lights. So true to form, I hung the icicle lights on the porch rail, attached the garland and just as the sun was setting, I plugged them into the porch outlet only to discover that ONE STINKING STRING OF LIGHTS WERE TWINKLE-TWINKLE FLASH LIGHTS!!!! All I can say is there is NO WAY I am going to redo it! No way! I will just look at it as one more thing to make me smile. Every time I look out and see that little string of lights twinkling, I will pretend they are laughing and dancing with happiness. They are happy that for one more year, in spite of the MS, I am able to climb ladders and stools to hang Christmas lights. That is something to be happy about.

Yesterday I was telling my sister about them...The way they mock me by flashing. And I started to laugh as I thought about the neighbors, the people in our area who know me and my perfectionism with all things visual. They will see those lights and think...Bless Cari's heart. The MS must really be hard on her. Did you see those pitiful lights she has on her front porch this year? They don't realize that my lights are laughing.

What I am Thankful For...

As the holiday season approaches, I have a huge smile on my face. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and more than ever before, I have much to be thankful for. It has now been over a year since my diagnosis, and generally speaking, I have felt better over the past couple of months than I have felt since last November's devastating steroid event.

My precious hubby offered for our family to have Thanksgiving dinner out this year, but I opted to cook. I decided that for as long as I am able, or at least have the desire, I will still cook our Thanksgiving dinner.

So, on this day before Thanksgiving, as I bustle about the kitchen, I do it with more joy than ever before. I have two brilliant healthy children who are blossoming into absolutely amazing adults. I have an adoring husband who shows his love for me in a million ways each and every day. I have siblings who are my best friends forever. I have a beautiful home (OK, realistically, part of it is beautiful...Thanks Jackie...and part of it looks like crap, but I will get to the bad parts and eventually it will all be beautiful again) and I have a wonderful garden filled with things I planted with my own hands. I have furniture that I painted with my own hands and curtains I sewed! I have an identity and joy through my photography and art. What more could I possibly want or need. Yep, Life is good!!!

Woman Stuff

So, if you are a man and you are squeamish about woman stuff, you might want to hit the back button and back your way out of this post right now, before I put images in your head that you can never ever erase. You have been warned!

There is something humiliating about going to the gyne. I dread it far worse than going to the dentist, even if I am having a tooth filled! I mean, seriously... What kind of man chooses a career that has them looking at crotches all day long every day? I mean, even people who work in chocolate factories get tired of chocolate.

I visited my new gyne today. He was the doctor I went to for some other woman stuff back in February. He's a nice enough guy, what I saw of him. After all, he is pretty much hidden behind that all-concealing thin white paper sheet they give us to help us maintain a tiny bit of dignity. His office staff is MUCH nicer than the office staff at my former gyne's office. I fired the old gyne for not taking my comment about an issue I was having seriously enough. Then, when I called his office to ask a question, his "I've got way too much power" nurse scolded me for trying to follow up on my issues. At the time, I was still very fragile emotionally from all the new MS stuff and the last thing I needed was to listen to the IGWTMP nurse get sassy with me.

As I was sitting in the waiting room at the OB/GYN's office, I realized a couple of things. First, someone needs to order a subscription of MORE magazine for his office. I really don't need to see Child magazine or Pregnancy magazine or even Family magazine. I am way past all that stuff. I also realized that some people just don't NEED to be parents! I don't really even feel like getting into that. Just trust me. Sometimes, birth control shouldn't be left up to choice!

OK ladies, we all KNOW what happens at the gyne ...stirrups ...tongs ...glaring lights. I've got an image for you...I'm lying there in the most graceful of positions, trying to maintain a minuscule amount of dignity while my legs are flying high, when what does my gyne decide to talk about? Turkey! Yes ladies, turkey. Honestly, I kept hoping it was an inside joke between the gyne and his nurse, you know like "Hey, watch this! I am going to have this patient in the "position" and then get her to talk about turkey." And if just the talk of turkey wasn't enough, he asked me if I was going to "stuff" my turkey!!!! I wanted to laugh hysterically at the absurdity. I am lying there on the table, pretty much like a trussed turkey and he wants to talk stuffing!!! If you are not howling at this moment, you either A. Aren't a woman, or B. Have NO sense of humor! It was like something from Saturday Night Live!!! I shudder to think what we would have talked about were it Christmas!

Same Hair Since 1976

As I watch the slideshow of my life, I am forced to hysterically realize that I have had the same hairstyle give or take an inch or two, since 1976. LOL (Well, other than those horribly permed 80s, which by the way made my hair look much darker than it has actually ever been.) I am a no muss/no fuss kind of gal and well, no matter how someone cuts my hair, when I turn it upside down and run my fingers through it to blow dry it, when I turn right-side up, it is still going to look the same. That is the extent of how much time I am likely to spend on my hair so...it will probably look this same way when I am 60 and 70. Some things never change...

The Happy Tree

Two years ago, I bought a cheap 6 1/2 foot white Christmas tree from Walmart to use for a holiday photo shoot. I wanted to do something different from the typical red & green Christmas. Little did I know at the time how much joy I would receive for my $39.99.

For many years, I have decorated a Christmas tree in our kitchen. If I were truly going to get to enjoy a Christmas tree, it needed to be in the area where I spent most of my time. I spend the largest amount of my time in either the kitchen or the computer room which looks into the kitchen. So began the tradition of a Christmas tree in our kitchen. There have been live pines and small artificials, but always a tree in the kitchen.

Last year when I started to decorate our home for the holidays, I decided that I would put the crazy white tree in the kitchen. Why not? I already had it, so why not use it. I draped it with beautiful white twinkly lights, but something was still missing. I added a string of colorful satin 1 1/2 inch globe lights. Ahhh, now I was on to something. The brightly colored lights gave a colorful glow to the white Christmas tree. The cord to the globe lights is forest green, but that didn't stop me. That dark green cord just adds to the crazy charm of the tree.

I filled it with brightly colored glass ornaments, both new and vintage. It sports a frog in a pink hula skirt/tutu and a pink glass flamingo. It shines with glittering snowballs and shimmering icicles and snowflakes. With each ornament I would hang on the tree, a new smile would spread across my face. As Christmas drew near, it soon became clear to me that my crazy tree still made me smile every single time I walked into my kitchen. It quickly became known as my "happy tree". My daughter told me that it looked like it belonged in a Dr. Seuss book. It has the same appeal as plastic pink flamingos on a lawn. Tacky? Why, yes...but just try not to smile at it!

This year has been a challenge for me. The discovery of the disease that has forever changed my life has not been an easy thing to face. As the holidays approached, I had to make some choices. The flurry of cooking and decorating has been tempered by other circumstances. Priorities, you know? Last week I had a three day dose of IV steroids followed by a week of near hell dealing with the harsh side effects. With each day that passes, I hope that this will be the day that I feel better. My head, my brain, has been a real challenge this past week, feeling squishy and heavy and swollen, as if it just could not fit inside my skull. Being vertical aggravates the already miserable feeling as well as causes numbness in my neck, face, lips and up to the bridge of my nose. This numbness and swollen feeling also affects my hearing.

On Wednesday, I could tell that I felt a tiny bit better and with each day since there has been slight improvement. Even as I type this blog, my brain feels like it is being squeezed, like something in there is trying to make room and there just is none to be had.

With Christmas fast approaching, I just couldn't stand not yet having a Christmas tree. So on Thursday and Friday I worked diligently at assembling and decorating my happy tree. It took me all day Thursday to get it assembled and another entire day to get it decorated. I tried to look at it in the way that the wonderful Flylady has taught me to meet other challenges in my life, one piece, one step, one bite at a time. I would hang a branch and lie down for a while and then I would hang another branch until finally, I had a whole tree. It may have taken 2 1/2 days, but my happy tree now stands cheerfully in my kitchen.

I have decided that this year I will take the "Happy Tree" to a new level. With the new challenges that I am facing in my life, I sometimes need to be reminded of all the many things that bring me joy. With every day that the Happy Tree stands in my kitchen, I will write down on a small tag, one thing that brings me joy. I will hang each and every tag on my Happy Tree as a constant reminder that in spite of the struggles, there is much in my life to be joyful about.

May you all find a Happy Tree in your lives this holiday season.

Disposable Children

(This isn't going to be pretty, so some of you may not want to read this.)

What is wrong with people? How can they possibly think that their children are disposable? I am not going to mention names to protect the innocent, but I am really pissed off. When you have a child, you make a commitment. You had a choice, have it or not have it! If you chose to have it, then you need to freakin' step up and be a parent. Children are not disposable. You don't get to get rid of one just because it is broken. Odds are, if its broken its because YOU broke it, so by God, you need to step up and fix it. You don't get to ship them off to someone else in their teen years just because it gets more difficult. Weren't you a miserable mouthy teenager once too? You don't get to shuffle them around from person to person like they are of no importance. You don't get to bail on this responsibility. They should lock people up for this! There should be consequences. You don't get to throw a high school student out of your home just because they turned 18. What are they supposed to do? They are not freakin' DISPOSABLE!!!

They are yours. They are your responsibility. They are learning what you teach. If you teach them of how little importance they are, they are going to feel worthless. If you teach them to bail on adult responsibilities, they are going shirk their own adult responsibilities. What kind of example are you setting and do you even care? Apparently not. I can't even imagine what it must be like to feel like no one wants you. One parent/guardian puts you off on someone else because they can't handle being a parent. Then the next parent/guardian throws you out and then you have to go back to where you weren't wanted in the first place. What kind of life is that for a child? What kind of life is this child going to have? How much self-worth is he or she ever going to feel? What is WRONG with people? You had a choice to have sex or not have sex. You had a choice to have the child or not have the child. If you are going to bring a child into this world you better make damn sure you are ready to step up and be a parent. YOU DON"T GET TO JUST GET RID OF A CHILD BECAUSE YOU DON"T FEEL LIKE PARENTING!

CHILDREN ARE NOT DISPOSABLE!!!

Have it Your Way!

(Jenny & Missi, you thought I was kidding didn't you?)

Yesterday my pseudo-daughter (my pseudo-grandchildren had to come from somewhere) and her good friend, who has now also become my friend, came for a visit. We had already decided to go to good old "Have it Your Way" Burger King because we had two little guys with us. Did you ever try to have a conversation with two bored small boys sitting at your lunch table? If so, we don't even need to explain why we chose Burger King and their play area as a place to have lunch.

As I have mentioned before, MS is a surprise each and every day. Yesterday was a difficult leg movement day and I'm not sure whether the fact that my legs were lazy made me annoyed or if I just started out annoyed and the legs were just a bonus. Regardless of where it started, yesterday probably wasn't the day for Burger King to mess with me.

How long has "Have it Your Way" been their slogan, catch phrase, jingle etc? Well I decided to have it my way yesterday and they wouldn't let me. They have a new Mushroom Swiss Burger on their menu. I am not a huge beef fan but will manage to eat a BK cheeseburger occasionally since the quantity of actual meat is very limited. I usually order a kid's meal if I eat at any of the fast food places. I figure, minimal amount of damage if I eat small. All I wanted to do was order a kid's meal with a cheeseburger and have them switch the American cheese to Swiss cheese and throw on some mushrooms. This should have been no problem for the "have it your way" Kings. WRONG!!! They refused to do it! Arby's will add Swiss cheese to a kids junior roast beef and never flinch. I almost always ask for something slightly different when ordering at one of these places and it never trips anyone up. BK couldn't let me order what I wanted to have because the COMPUTER wouldn't let them. It should have been a no-brainer. The woman behind the counter said if they did it there would be an additional charge for the cheese and mushrooms. Do I look like I care if I have to pay an extra dollar? As it turned out, it would have been Missi's extra dollar but I really don't think she would have cared either. Instead of letting me have it my way, which I really don't understand at all since it is all they FREAKIN' say in any commercial they do, they just made me mad and lost a customer. I'd rather have a McDonald's apple pie anyway!

Here's the phone number for our Burger King. Call them and tell them what a joke their slogan is since a person can't even get Swiss cheese and mushrooms added to a regular hamburger!
(330) 545-3127 Do it, I dare you!

Landslide

I have always loved the song "Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac. I even liked the version done by the Dixie Chicks, although it wasn't the same as hearing Stevie Nicks sing it. Last weekend when we were at a wedding reception the DJ played the Fleetwood Mac version. As I was making my way around the dance floor in the arms of my husband, my lover, my best friend, the words to that song smacked me right in the face.

I am a singer. There is not a day that goes by that I don't sing. I may make up a crazy song to sing to the cat or sing along with the collection of music I have on my computer, but I can guarantee you that not a day goes by that I don't sing. I also sing to my husband as we are slow dancing. I always have. As we were gliding around the dance floor (OK, maybe not really gliding since the MS came to visit, but I still want to believe we were gliding, so let me have my way) I was singing the words to Landslide along with Stevie.
When it got to the verse
"Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life,
Hmm Hmm, I don't know
Hmm, Hmm"
I sort of changed the words a little bit. Instead of "I don't know", I emphatically sang HELL NO!!!! My hubby laughed out loud at my declaration.

I have loved this man for more years of my life than I have lived without him. I met him at age 23 and we have been a couple now for 26 years. If at age 23 you had asked me if I could possibly love him more than I loved him at that given moment, I would have told you that it wasn't possible. I loved him so deeply there was no way I could love him more. If you asked me now, at age 49 if I could possibly love him more, I would tell you yes. That tomorrow I will love him more than I do today, because with each and every day that we share, with each and every moment that I love him, I know that tomorrow I will love him even more. He is my compass. He is my life. For him, I will always find my way home. I have built my life around him.

Landslide (as sung by Fleetwood Mac)

I took my love, and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Till the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life,
Hmm Hmm, I don't know
Hmm, Hmm

Well, Ive been afraid of changing
Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older and
I'm getting older too, so...

I've been afraid of changing
Cause I , I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older and
I'm getting older too,
I'm getting older too

So, take this love, take it down
Oh, If you climb a mountain and you turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide'll bring it down, down

And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well maybe, the landslide'll bring it down,
The landslide'll bring it down

In Sickness and in Health...

My husband and I spent the weekend in Springfield, Ohio, a town about 3 1/2 hours SW of us, to attend the wedding of the son of one of my husband's dearest friends. It was a lovely town in spite of far too many one way streets for a town its size. Our hotel room overlooked a beautiful fountain that sparkled like trickling diamonds at night. Directly across the old brick roadway which surrounded the fountain was a huge building that was constructed in 1890, Springfield's market place and city hall. Made out of brick and sandstone, with a magnificent clock tower that struck on the hour, it was truly a delight to see. Railroad tracks ran along the back of our hotel, tracks that are still in use and the wailing of the train whistle as a train blew through town was charming by day, not quite so charming at 3:00 AM.

This was our first trip since I was diagnosed with MS. Overall it went well, with the exception of my meltdown at the reception and the sensible shoes that wouldn't stay on my feet.

When MS is already affecting your gait, you must choose your shoes wisely. I am still able to walk, and when barefoot or wearing flats I can fake a fairly steady walk for short spurts at a time. I chose my shoes for the wedding wisely, or so I thought. They were lovely "strappy" black shoes with a small heel that was wide enough for me to maintain my balance and a heel strap to hold my foot in place. All I can say about those shoes is "What moron designed them and did anyone try to walk in them before they decided to put them on the market?" The point where the heel strap attaches to the strap that goes across the top of your foot on the side that buckles, had nothing to anchor it. It was free-sliding so that when you first put it on, and get everything situated it feels fine. After about ten steps the heel strap starts to slide down the strap that goes across your foot and in a very short while the heel strap falls completely below the heel since there is nothing to hold it on place. It is hard to describe, but trust me when I say they were very poorly designed! I spent most of the night struggling with my shoes which isn't such a good thing when you are already struggling with your emotions.

Combine bad shoes, MS and walking, and there was indeed walking involved...much more than there had to be...Cari clears throat and shakes her head at the poor navigational skills of some certain people who will remain nameless...and you get the evening started off on the wrong foot. (Pun fully intended!) I was exhausted before we ever got into the reception hall. We were assigned tables and I intentionally chose a seat which faced away from the dance floor, hoping that if I couldn't see it, it wouldn't make me sad.

I held up fairly well through the first part of the reception, although I'm sure I wasn't my normal sassy self. The only walking involved was the buffet line, which to my delight had accommodated those of us who aren't meat-eaters by having vegetarian lasagna on hand. Big points scored for the bride and groom! After the traditional bridal dances were complete the DJ decided to crank it up with The Commodores, Brick House. For me, that was like having a ton of bricks fall down on my head. The realization that I would never be able to "Shake 'my' Groove Thang" on a dance floor again was just more than I could take. I seriously couldn't hold back the tears. To some of you, this may seem trivial. For me, it was like a bomb going off. I swear I could hear ringing in my ears! The tears started to flow and I couldn't get out of there fast enough. My wonderful husband helped me make my way out into a hallway where I actually sobbed over the loss of my "Groove Thang". I felt like a part of me had been ripped up into tiny pieces and carried away by the wind. My Electric Slide has left the building!

There were a few people at the wedding who know what my husband and I are dealing with, but for the most part, the people who saw my hubby and me in the hallway probably just thought we were fighting. This MS has taught me a thing or two. 1. People who are wobbling aren't always drunk! 2. We don't ever know what someone else is dealing with in their lives so we shouldn't be so quick to judge their behaviour. What looked like a lover's quarrel, or me just being a big baby or even a witch was actually me mourning the loss of a part of me.

During the actual wedding ceremony, as the new bride and groom were repeating their vows it once again hit me how very much my husband loves me. He has really had to step it up this last month and has done so with barely a stumble. Those words... for better or worse, in sickness and in health... are not to be taken lightly. In the 24 years we have been together we have had better and we have had worse. We have had sickness and we have had health. Most of all, in spite of success and failure, in spite of mistakes and accomplishments, we have had love. Big love, once in a lifetime love. Love that completes each other's sentences. Love that tries to shelter the other from pain. Love that after 24 years, still makes my heart skip a beat.

Corn Pops Therapy

Last night I couldn't sleep, again. My brain never seems to be quiet, even when I beg it to shut up! I swear, even when I am not thinking about something specific, there is still a soundtrack playing in my head. As I sit here typing this blog I am required to think, to form sentences and to type them. Even while that necessary thought process is going on, there is still a song playing in my head. It is seriously as if I come with my own built in soundtrack for life. Today's song is "Leave the Pieces" by The Wreckers. At least the song finally changed. For three days, the song "Tim McGraw" by Taylor Swift has been playing in my head.

This internal soundtrack has nothing to do with MS and everything to do with my sleeplessness. I envy people who can easliy turn their brains off to go to sleep. Mine will not shut off. Even when life is at its best, I still struggle with slowing my thoughts down enough to fall asleep. You pile all this MS junk on top of all the stuff that already frolics in my mind, and well, there's your problem.

After being in bed for an hour last night and realizing that sleep was not going to come, I made my way downstairs to my computer room. There is something comforting about the familiar glare of the monitor. I find solace in the process of editing photographs. It keeps my mind from focusing on all the fear and anxiety that this disease has added to my life. It is a fear and anxiety that I am trying hard not to spread to my children. Even though they are adults, I am and always will be, first and foremost, their mom.

My son spends precious little time sleeping. (At least at night.) He works days and probably sleeps only four or five hours a night during the week. He catches up on the weekends. During this past week I have been very thankful for his sleeping patterns. Last weekend we had what we jokingly refer to as our "pajama party". I got out of the bed at 3:30 and kidnapped him from his room and the two of us sat on the living room floor and chatted until almost 6:30 at which time we each ate a bowl of Corn Pops before heading off to bed. My illness scares him. He thinks me invincible and the thought of anything less is hard for him to deal with. He also spoke some wonderful words of wisdom for one so young. He told me that everything is difficult for me right now because it is all new. He says I will adjust to my new limitations and eventually learn to compensate for them.

Last night, when once again I couldn't sleep he came into the computer room at about 1:30 and asked me if I wanted to have a bowl of Corn Pops. Fast beats my heart... He leaves next week to go away to school. Who will I share Corn Pops therapy with when he is gone?

"Life Ain't Always Beautiful"

I really want to be strong about this MS discovery, but once in a while I just have to have a melt down. I am fairly certain it is allowed. Last night I temporarily melted into a puddle, but this morning I am back up and plugging away at it again. Those who love me are still learning to deal with this, same as me. Having me be a crying mess is not something my precious husband is used to seeing and it is probably difficult for him to figure out exactly what to do with me. How can he possibly know when even I don't know what to do with me?

I joined a Yahoo MS support group and one of the women in the group signs her messages with the quote "I used to have super powers, but my therapist took them away" That accurately describes how I feel. I feel like my super powers, the things that made me "ME", have been stripped away and that I am no longer the me that I knew. I told my husband on the night I was released from the hospital, that I felt like I went into the hospital as one person and came out as another person entirely. Before MS, I could leap tall buildings in a single bound. Now I have to carefully and methodically walk around the perimeter like an ordinary human being, less than an ordinary human being because I don't exactly walk so much as waddle.

I refuse to be ordinary. So this whole MS thing, it's just really not working out for me. I want them to take it back. I want to replay that day, Sept 1, in my mind and change everything about it. I want to sleep late instead of rising early. I want to lay around and eat Bon-Bons all day instead of packing up to go on a photo shoot. I want to yank the words MS out of my doctors mouth and stomp them into the floor. I want to climb up on a step stool with one foot again. I want to be able to dance again! I want to be able to get in my car and go to Target by myself instead of having to drag my reluctant husband along with me. I just want to be me again and this stupid MS won't let me. I have to find a whole new way to define myself. Who wants to do that at 49? I had plans.

I Am One Lucky Lady

Just when I was down and out. Just when I thought my luck had run out...I win the UK National Lottery. How lucky am I? Wow, now I can get the wheelchair ramp I have always longed for and a brand new tricked-out wheelchair.

How stupid do these email nerds really think we are?
I found this in my email today. I'm sorry, but if anyone is actually foolish enough to fall for one of these scams they probably deserve whatever happens to them as a result! The one I received last week actually asked me to scan my driver's license and send it to them to claim my prize!


THE NATIONAL LOTTERY
NOTIFICATION DEPARTMENT
ONLINE SWEEPSTAKE
PROGRAMME
P O BOX 1010LIVERPOOL, L70 1NL
UNITED KINGDOM
(Customer Services)
Ref: UKNL/05/8256/53219/QE327
Batch: UKNL5/A115-07
RE/AWARD BRITISH NOTIFICATION DESK

Dear Lucky Winner, We happily announce to you the new months draw (#994)of the UK NATIONAL LOTTERY, online Sweepstakes International program held on the 10th and 11th of September, 2006. It is yet to be unclaimed and you are getting the final NOTIFICATION as regards this.Your e-mail address attached to ticket number 55-9-478 with Serial number 1037 drew the luckynumbers: bonus no.04), which subsequently won you the lottery in the 2nd category i.e match 5 plus bonus. You are therefore been approved to claim a total sum of £1,500,000(onemillion five hundred thousand great British pounds sterling)in cash credited to file KTU/9023118308/03. This is from a total cash prize of £15,000,000 shared amongst the first ten (10) lucky winners in this category i.e. Match 5 plus bonus.All participants for the online version were selected randomly from World Wide Web sites through computer draw system and extracted from over 100,000 unions,associations, and corporate bodies that are listed online. Please note that your lucky winning number falls within our European booklet representative office in Europe as indicated in your play coupon.In view of this, your £1,500,000 (one million five hundred thousand Great Britain pounds sterling) would be released to you by any of our payment offices in Europe. Our European agent will immediately commence the process to facilitate the release of your funds as soon as you contact him.For security reasons,you are advised to keep your winning information confidential till your claims is processed and your money remitted to you in whatever manner you deem fit to claim your prize.This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program. Please be warned!!!. To file for your claim, please contact your fudiciary agent immediately for verification REV.NORLAN DAVIESFOREIGN DEPARTMENT MANAGEREWEEK SECURITY COMPANY UKCRAWFORD LODGE 98A REDCLIFFEGARDENS LONDON SW10 9HH, UKTEL: +44-7024078589TEL: +44-7031850204Email:claimsagent_norlan001@yahoo.com

Congratulations from me and members of staff of THE UK NATIONAL LOTTERY.
Yours faithfully,
Mrs Elizabeth Tyler
Online coordinator for NATIONAL LOTTERY Sweepstakes International Program.
====================================================================Copyright © 1994-2006 The UK National Lottery Inc.All rights reserved. Terms of Service - Guideline 77635 476378 255667460