In Sickness and in Health...

My husband and I spent the weekend in Springfield, Ohio, a town about 3 1/2 hours SW of us, to attend the wedding of the son of one of my husband's dearest friends. It was a lovely town in spite of far too many one way streets for a town its size. Our hotel room overlooked a beautiful fountain that sparkled like trickling diamonds at night. Directly across the old brick roadway which surrounded the fountain was a huge building that was constructed in 1890, Springfield's market place and city hall. Made out of brick and sandstone, with a magnificent clock tower that struck on the hour, it was truly a delight to see. Railroad tracks ran along the back of our hotel, tracks that are still in use and the wailing of the train whistle as a train blew through town was charming by day, not quite so charming at 3:00 AM.

This was our first trip since I was diagnosed with MS. Overall it went well, with the exception of my meltdown at the reception and the sensible shoes that wouldn't stay on my feet.

When MS is already affecting your gait, you must choose your shoes wisely. I am still able to walk, and when barefoot or wearing flats I can fake a fairly steady walk for short spurts at a time. I chose my shoes for the wedding wisely, or so I thought. They were lovely "strappy" black shoes with a small heel that was wide enough for me to maintain my balance and a heel strap to hold my foot in place. All I can say about those shoes is "What moron designed them and did anyone try to walk in them before they decided to put them on the market?" The point where the heel strap attaches to the strap that goes across the top of your foot on the side that buckles, had nothing to anchor it. It was free-sliding so that when you first put it on, and get everything situated it feels fine. After about ten steps the heel strap starts to slide down the strap that goes across your foot and in a very short while the heel strap falls completely below the heel since there is nothing to hold it on place. It is hard to describe, but trust me when I say they were very poorly designed! I spent most of the night struggling with my shoes which isn't such a good thing when you are already struggling with your emotions.

Combine bad shoes, MS and walking, and there was indeed walking involved...much more than there had to be...Cari clears throat and shakes her head at the poor navigational skills of some certain people who will remain nameless...and you get the evening started off on the wrong foot. (Pun fully intended!) I was exhausted before we ever got into the reception hall. We were assigned tables and I intentionally chose a seat which faced away from the dance floor, hoping that if I couldn't see it, it wouldn't make me sad.

I held up fairly well through the first part of the reception, although I'm sure I wasn't my normal sassy self. The only walking involved was the buffet line, which to my delight had accommodated those of us who aren't meat-eaters by having vegetarian lasagna on hand. Big points scored for the bride and groom! After the traditional bridal dances were complete the DJ decided to crank it up with The Commodores, Brick House. For me, that was like having a ton of bricks fall down on my head. The realization that I would never be able to "Shake 'my' Groove Thang" on a dance floor again was just more than I could take. I seriously couldn't hold back the tears. To some of you, this may seem trivial. For me, it was like a bomb going off. I swear I could hear ringing in my ears! The tears started to flow and I couldn't get out of there fast enough. My wonderful husband helped me make my way out into a hallway where I actually sobbed over the loss of my "Groove Thang". I felt like a part of me had been ripped up into tiny pieces and carried away by the wind. My Electric Slide has left the building!

There were a few people at the wedding who know what my husband and I are dealing with, but for the most part, the people who saw my hubby and me in the hallway probably just thought we were fighting. This MS has taught me a thing or two. 1. People who are wobbling aren't always drunk! 2. We don't ever know what someone else is dealing with in their lives so we shouldn't be so quick to judge their behaviour. What looked like a lover's quarrel, or me just being a big baby or even a witch was actually me mourning the loss of a part of me.

During the actual wedding ceremony, as the new bride and groom were repeating their vows it once again hit me how very much my husband loves me. He has really had to step it up this last month and has done so with barely a stumble. Those words... for better or worse, in sickness and in health... are not to be taken lightly. In the 24 years we have been together we have had better and we have had worse. We have had sickness and we have had health. Most of all, in spite of success and failure, in spite of mistakes and accomplishments, we have had love. Big love, once in a lifetime love. Love that completes each other's sentences. Love that tries to shelter the other from pain. Love that after 24 years, still makes my heart skip a beat.