Things To Hate About MS

11. Feeling broken.

10. I can't plan ANYTHING!!!! As sure as you make a plan, that is the day you wake up feeling like crap!

9. Living with the constant fear.

8. IV SOLUMEDROL

7. Now that I know that MS is responsible for the deterioration of my vision it gives me just one more thing to hate about it.

6. I hate that I can't dance. I love to dance. I think I came out of the womb dancing. Having that taken away from me is like suffering the loss of a good friend. It is a huge part of who I am. You just try and hold me still when Twist & Shout is playing! I managed to slow dance with my precious husband at a wedding reception this weekend. Since my left leg now seems to have a mind of its own, it was no surprise at all that for the first time in 26 years I stepped on his toes a time or two, but we managed to laugh it off and just keep dancing. Joseph, you are my hero!

5. I hate when I am out in public and I stumble or lose my balance, that people probably think I have been drinking. I need to have a t-shirt made that reads...I'm not drunk, I have MS!

4. I hate MS because it makes me cry. I'm not a "cryer", I am a "laugher" and now I have to fight back tears every single day. Sometime I succeed, sometimes I don't.

3. I hate the realization that my photography as I have known it, has probably ended. I did a shoot yesterday and when I got home I was so exhausted that I couldn't even carry a footstool up our five back stairs and into the house. One of the things that made my portrait photography unique was my interaction with my models, not sitting behind a tripod!

2. I hate that I can no longer bounce up and down the stairs at our house. I have to carefully maneuver the 39 steps that get you in, out and around my house.

1. I hate that taking a really hot bath makes me feel like a truck hit me! (OK, so I've never really had a truck hit me so I can't be sure about how that feels.)

Update to the Update :)

The word is in from the blood work. My white blood cell count is still too high, so I will have to see the hematologist again. He is so not making me get naked again. At the very least he should have to buy me dinner first!

Update

I haven't updated in a while so I thought I would let everyone know that as of now, I am still hanging in limbo. I had another blood test (CBC) done on Tuesday to see if my white blood count is still wacky. If it is, I will have to visit the hematologist again. I am unable to begin medicine for the MS until they figure out the white blood count issue. It took two weeks to get an opinion on it from my family doctor (something about lost reports) so it has been slow going. I should know later today if I have to see the hematologist again.

I have good days and bad. I still have balance issues and my throat occasionally feels numb on one side. The facial numbness is still there but not quite as bad as it was for a while. I can't sit for long periods because the sitting aggravates the numbness. That explains why I haven't spent much time updating lately. Any available computer time has been spent working on senior photos and graduation announcements.

That is really all I have for now. I'll update when I know about the blood test results.