Woman Stuff

So, if you are a man and you are squeamish about woman stuff, you might want to hit the back button and back your way out of this post right now, before I put images in your head that you can never ever erase. You have been warned!

There is something humiliating about going to the gyne. I dread it far worse than going to the dentist, even if I am having a tooth filled! I mean, seriously... What kind of man chooses a career that has them looking at crotches all day long every day? I mean, even people who work in chocolate factories get tired of chocolate.

I visited my new gyne today. He was the doctor I went to for some other woman stuff back in February. He's a nice enough guy, what I saw of him. After all, he is pretty much hidden behind that all-concealing thin white paper sheet they give us to help us maintain a tiny bit of dignity. His office staff is MUCH nicer than the office staff at my former gyne's office. I fired the old gyne for not taking my comment about an issue I was having seriously enough. Then, when I called his office to ask a question, his "I've got way too much power" nurse scolded me for trying to follow up on my issues. At the time, I was still very fragile emotionally from all the new MS stuff and the last thing I needed was to listen to the IGWTMP nurse get sassy with me.

As I was sitting in the waiting room at the OB/GYN's office, I realized a couple of things. First, someone needs to order a subscription of MORE magazine for his office. I really don't need to see Child magazine or Pregnancy magazine or even Family magazine. I am way past all that stuff. I also realized that some people just don't NEED to be parents! I don't really even feel like getting into that. Just trust me. Sometimes, birth control shouldn't be left up to choice!

OK ladies, we all KNOW what happens at the gyne ...stirrups ...tongs ...glaring lights. I've got an image for you...I'm lying there in the most graceful of positions, trying to maintain a minuscule amount of dignity while my legs are flying high, when what does my gyne decide to talk about? Turkey! Yes ladies, turkey. Honestly, I kept hoping it was an inside joke between the gyne and his nurse, you know like "Hey, watch this! I am going to have this patient in the "position" and then get her to talk about turkey." And if just the talk of turkey wasn't enough, he asked me if I was going to "stuff" my turkey!!!! I wanted to laugh hysterically at the absurdity. I am lying there on the table, pretty much like a trussed turkey and he wants to talk stuffing!!! If you are not howling at this moment, you either A. Aren't a woman, or B. Have NO sense of humor! It was like something from Saturday Night Live!!! I shudder to think what we would have talked about were it Christmas!